Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
