therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
