she was so not down for the gang bang
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
