First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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