my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
