Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
