You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
