After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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