Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
