You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
