paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
