Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
