People with herpes should wear stickers.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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