I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
