Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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