So drunk its hurt
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
