we're chasing vodka with high fives
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
