I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
