Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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