if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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