Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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