he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
