I think I won the penis lottery.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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