Jerry, you need to find god
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
