Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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