We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
