My Higher Power is John Stamos
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
