You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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