Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
