Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
