my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're too hungover to prance.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
