We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
