Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
