But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
