you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
