mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
