She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
