Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
