How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
