Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
