There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
