I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
