my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
