The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
