i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
