THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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