i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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