On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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