Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
