I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
