apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
