WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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