It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
