I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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