plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
